A difficult day after days of mourning and heartbreak. Tears can go on and on, but how does the recovery begin?
For my family, today, this is how we started. We followed our first instinct, which was to head to the ocean, to the Jersey Shore. Ocean City is the favorite of our family, so this evening we caravanned the 35 miles to the boardwalk, a boardwalk and an ocean that Ronnie had wanted to see at least one more time, even if he had to be pushed in a wheelchair. That wasn't meant to be.
So we, as part of our healing, returned to the familiar, enjoying every minute we had with each other: all of my siblings, some of my nieces and nephews. I felt so bad for the four of Ronnie's grandchildren that were with us, as well as for his two beautiful grandchildren in Minnesota, that they would never have any more time getting to know their grandfather. Yet I was also thinking how his blood runs through them all, and I see the beauty, the gentleness, and the love in each of them. Knowing this, and keeping our memories of Ronnie vivid in our minds, is how we recover. He won't ever really leave us.
Showing posts with label Ronnie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ronnie. Show all posts
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
the strawberry shortcake story
Tomorrow, June 4th, would have been my mother's birthday. The next day. June 5th, would have been my father's birthday. Today, June 3rd, would have been my brother Ronnie's birthday.
I was only 3 1/2 years old when Ronnie was born, and I didn't know anything about "due dates" and things like that, but I do wonder if Mom and Dad were wondering late in that pregnancy whether their #4 child would have the same birthday as one of them. He instead, fortunately, had his own distinct birthday.
The problem, though, with having three birthdays in a row in the same family was making sure that each was properly celebrated, that we didn't develop birthday-overload. It's kind of like people who have a birthday on December 26: how do you properly celebrate a birthday when everybody is worn out from Christmas?
My parents came up with an ingenious answer. Instead of having birthday cake with the same traditions three days in a row, a tradition was started that we would have strawberry shortcake every year on Ronnie's birthday. It came during strawberry season here in NJ, and everybody loved strawberry shortcake in our family, so Ronnie's birthday became one of our favorite dates of the year. The tradition continued through his whole life.
While I was visiting Ronnie in the hospital a couple weeks ago, he was told by the doctors that because he was so susceptible to bacteria, he couldn't have any more fresh fruit and vegetables. The first thing he thought was, "How am I going to have strawberry shortcake on my birthday?" He, unlike me, always looked forward to that next birthday. And later he asked me sadly, "I'm still going to be here in the hospital on my birthday, aren't I?"
Well, he was wrong, he isn't still in the hospital today, his birthday. He's out of that place. I just hope that somehow in the spirit world, they have access to Jersey strawberries and Bisquick. For us that are left, we are all getting together this evening for a celebration of Ronnie, complete with strawberry shortcake.
Tomorrow, we bury this sweet man. On June 4th, our mom's birthday.
I was only 3 1/2 years old when Ronnie was born, and I didn't know anything about "due dates" and things like that, but I do wonder if Mom and Dad were wondering late in that pregnancy whether their #4 child would have the same birthday as one of them. He instead, fortunately, had his own distinct birthday.
The problem, though, with having three birthdays in a row in the same family was making sure that each was properly celebrated, that we didn't develop birthday-overload. It's kind of like people who have a birthday on December 26: how do you properly celebrate a birthday when everybody is worn out from Christmas?
My parents came up with an ingenious answer. Instead of having birthday cake with the same traditions three days in a row, a tradition was started that we would have strawberry shortcake every year on Ronnie's birthday. It came during strawberry season here in NJ, and everybody loved strawberry shortcake in our family, so Ronnie's birthday became one of our favorite dates of the year. The tradition continued through his whole life.
While I was visiting Ronnie in the hospital a couple weeks ago, he was told by the doctors that because he was so susceptible to bacteria, he couldn't have any more fresh fruit and vegetables. The first thing he thought was, "How am I going to have strawberry shortcake on my birthday?" He, unlike me, always looked forward to that next birthday. And later he asked me sadly, "I'm still going to be here in the hospital on my birthday, aren't I?"
Well, he was wrong, he isn't still in the hospital today, his birthday. He's out of that place. I just hope that somehow in the spirit world, they have access to Jersey strawberries and Bisquick. For us that are left, we are all getting together this evening for a celebration of Ronnie, complete with strawberry shortcake.
Tomorrow, we bury this sweet man. On June 4th, our mom's birthday.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
there are generations right behind us
It's late, and I'm waiting for Jerry. He landed at Philly airport about an hour ago and is driving down here to Millville to join the mourners.
Today was a lovely though uneventful day spent with my three sisters and my niece Becky. We don't need to do much of anything: we just need to be together to grieve for our lost brother. Tonight, we spent time with Ronnie's son Michael, Michael's wife Tiffany, and their seven children, and it was refreshing. James sang for us. We ate Dunkin Donuts. Delanda was scratched by their dog and had to be bandaged up. A couple of the kids frolicked in the pool. Plans were made for a family reunion in August. It was all about life.
Tomorrow probably would have been the date of Ronnie's funeral -- it was the logical choice -- but it would also have been his 61st birthday, and his wife Denise didn't want us to mourn his death on the date of his birth: the date of his birth should always be a celebration. So the funeral is Saturday. A good decision.
Tomorrow, on Ronnie's birthday, I'll tell you a story...
Today was a lovely though uneventful day spent with my three sisters and my niece Becky. We don't need to do much of anything: we just need to be together to grieve for our lost brother. Tonight, we spent time with Ronnie's son Michael, Michael's wife Tiffany, and their seven children, and it was refreshing. James sang for us. We ate Dunkin Donuts. Delanda was scratched by their dog and had to be bandaged up. A couple of the kids frolicked in the pool. Plans were made for a family reunion in August. It was all about life.
Tomorrow probably would have been the date of Ronnie's funeral -- it was the logical choice -- but it would also have been his 61st birthday, and his wife Denise didn't want us to mourn his death on the date of his birth: the date of his birth should always be a celebration. So the funeral is Saturday. A good decision.
Tomorrow, on Ronnie's birthday, I'll tell you a story...
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
brief updates in my world
1) My brother Ronnie has been having a couple of much better days. He is off the ventilator, is alert, is in somewhat less pain than he was, and there is at least a small chance that he will be out of ICU and into a regular room by the end of the week. We, his family and friends, have been riding roller-coaster emotions the past week, when news one day is bleak and the next day is hopeful. It's amazing how resilient he is after what he has been through: there is a whole Ronnie that I never knew.
2) My son Jon, on his two-week European vacation, loves Paris and is now venturing by car out into the Loire Valley of France. I keep wondering what will happen with that Iceland volcanic-ash problem that is grounding a lot of flights in northern Europe. I'm hoping he doesn't get stuck somewhere over there. On the other hand, is there a better place to get stuck?
3) Because of the "stairwell waterfalls" the other day at our condo building, two out of the three elevators are out of commission. One of the two will be back in service by the end of June, the other not until September. Why must it take so long? Makes me realize how little I know about the complexities of elevators. In any case, we are using the stairs most of the time.
4) We have friends of Jerry's, Norm and Tomoko, visiting for a few days from Seattle, and it's fun to keep them entertained. Tonight we're all going to see Arsenic and Old Lace at the Guthrie Theater.
2) My son Jon, on his two-week European vacation, loves Paris and is now venturing by car out into the Loire Valley of France. I keep wondering what will happen with that Iceland volcanic-ash problem that is grounding a lot of flights in northern Europe. I'm hoping he doesn't get stuck somewhere over there. On the other hand, is there a better place to get stuck?
3) Because of the "stairwell waterfalls" the other day at our condo building, two out of the three elevators are out of commission. One of the two will be back in service by the end of June, the other not until September. Why must it take so long? Makes me realize how little I know about the complexities of elevators. In any case, we are using the stairs most of the time.
4) We have friends of Jerry's, Norm and Tomoko, visiting for a few days from Seattle, and it's fun to keep them entertained. Tonight we're all going to see Arsenic and Old Lace at the Guthrie Theater.
Friday, May 20, 2011
before the earthquakes take down the internet
This has been a week of Rapture-and-Apocalypse jokes. There is a radio ministry that has nailed down the date of the Rapture -- tomorrow, May 21, 2011. The followers of the leader of this church/organization/whatever have quite their jobs and liquidated their assets to spread the word (I saw several billboards when I was in New Jersey last week). The "believers" will be taken into heaven tomorrow, while the rest of us will be subject to an earth self-destructing -- terrible earthquakes and such -- so I'm thinking I should get another blog post in before we all vaporize. :-)
By the way, the word "rapture", a favorite of the evangelicals, is never once mentioned in the Bible.
Assuming that the world doesn't blow up tomorrow, my family will be listening intently for word of my brother Ronnie, who has taken a turn for the worse this week and is currently on a ventilator. We are all trying to keep each other updated with phone calls, text messages, and Facebook postings and are still trying to cling to hope. And also assuming that the world makes it until Sunday, that is the day when the whole hospital where Ronnie is will be moving to new facilities. Moving all those intensive-care patients is a job I wouldn't want.
By the way, the word "rapture", a favorite of the evangelicals, is never once mentioned in the Bible.
Assuming that the world doesn't blow up tomorrow, my family will be listening intently for word of my brother Ronnie, who has taken a turn for the worse this week and is currently on a ventilator. We are all trying to keep each other updated with phone calls, text messages, and Facebook postings and are still trying to cling to hope. And also assuming that the world makes it until Sunday, that is the day when the whole hospital where Ronnie is will be moving to new facilities. Moving all those intensive-care patients is a job I wouldn't want.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
an empty-calories moment
Okay, I just had to do this. I closed my office door and turned off my phones and am savoring a Pepsi, trying to become more coherent before my next client shows up.
It's one of those days when things go wrong or need to be re-done or just find ways to keep us from making progress.
... Then my brother Ronnie called. He's back in a Philadelphia hospital, is in very rough shape, sounds awful, has me worried.... Makes it hard to concentrate on the fleeting necessities of a work day.
I've gotten texts today from my sister Joan, who is in New York, her favorite place in the world, for her semi-annual three-day Broadway-shows visit. I'll tell you more about that tomorrow. The client has arrived.
It's one of those days when things go wrong or need to be re-done or just find ways to keep us from making progress.
... Then my brother Ronnie called. He's back in a Philadelphia hospital, is in very rough shape, sounds awful, has me worried.... Makes it hard to concentrate on the fleeting necessities of a work day.
I've gotten texts today from my sister Joan, who is in New York, her favorite place in the world, for her semi-annual three-day Broadway-shows visit. I'll tell you more about that tomorrow. The client has arrived.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
friends we never meet
I've had a couple of my faithful blog-readers ask me, out of concern, for updates on how my brother Ronnie is doing. The short answer is, he's still in the hospital in Philadelphia and hanging in there mentally, his sense of humor intact. He's still pretty miserable, is in pain, has a hard time eating even the softest of food. The doctors are still encouraging, saying he will recover once they get his blood counts back to something reasonable and once they figure out what the chronic leukemia is doing. We sure hope so. I had a good phone chat with Ronnie on Sunday. His attitude is good, he's just understandably tired and bored being in that little hospital room of his.
But some of these people showing concern will never meet Ronnie and sometimes haven't even met me. How cool that is. That's one of the ways the Internet has changed some of us, I guess -- for instance, we now have our Facebook "friends" we've never met but with some new connection to our lives.
I have an Internet friend named Paige who lives in northwestern New Jersey. Our connection originally was that we both liked John Irving novels (I used to have a John Irving web site, you know, until it sort of blew up), and we have kept in touch through occasional emails and Facebook of course. Recently, she mailed me a book -- Boardwalk Memories: Tales of the Jersey Shore. She knows I like books and she knows I'm a fan of the Jersey Shore (the place, that is, not the MTV progam!). How thoughtful and considerate of her. There are so many sweet yet interesting people in the world. I'm glad I know some of them, even the ones I'll never see in person.
But some of these people showing concern will never meet Ronnie and sometimes haven't even met me. How cool that is. That's one of the ways the Internet has changed some of us, I guess -- for instance, we now have our Facebook "friends" we've never met but with some new connection to our lives.
I have an Internet friend named Paige who lives in northwestern New Jersey. Our connection originally was that we both liked John Irving novels (I used to have a John Irving web site, you know, until it sort of blew up), and we have kept in touch through occasional emails and Facebook of course. Recently, she mailed me a book -- Boardwalk Memories: Tales of the Jersey Shore. She knows I like books and she knows I'm a fan of the Jersey Shore (the place, that is, not the MTV progam!). How thoughtful and considerate of her. There are so many sweet yet interesting people in the world. I'm glad I know some of them, even the ones I'll never see in person.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
reelin' in the years
As I was driving my sister Joan from her appointment back to her office, the 70s station was on my Sirius Radio, and she was saying that she thought that Steely Dan was a pretty dull band. I said, what about that one Steely Dan song that I always liked so much? and I couldn't think of the name of it.... I hate it when I can't remember things....
We had lunch at KFC after her appointment, were both feeling a little down because our brother Ronnie went back into that Philadelphia hospital yesterday and was having another blood transfusion any minute, according to his phone texts to us. Joan had just gotten a text from him saying, "Keep praying that I'm going to beat this thing, dammit!" (We were proud of him for his determination and also for using "praying" and "dammit" in the same sentence)
She and I talked about how do people as they age ever get used to seeing their family and friends having serious health problems? Older people seem to learn to take it in stride and somehow not be in constant depression. Or maybe things are not always what they seem.
"Oh, I remember the name of the Steely Dan song!" I said as it finally occured to me when we were almost back to her office. "'Reelin' in the Years!'"
"Are you reelin' in the years, stowin' away the time?....."
I bet you remember that one.
We had lunch at KFC after her appointment, were both feeling a little down because our brother Ronnie went back into that Philadelphia hospital yesterday and was having another blood transfusion any minute, according to his phone texts to us. Joan had just gotten a text from him saying, "Keep praying that I'm going to beat this thing, dammit!" (We were proud of him for his determination and also for using "praying" and "dammit" in the same sentence)
She and I talked about how do people as they age ever get used to seeing their family and friends having serious health problems? Older people seem to learn to take it in stride and somehow not be in constant depression. Or maybe things are not always what they seem.
"Oh, I remember the name of the Steely Dan song!" I said as it finally occured to me when we were almost back to her office. "'Reelin' in the Years!'"
"Are you reelin' in the years, stowin' away the time?....."
I bet you remember that one.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
brother in a strange land
My friend Barb, the leader of my book group (that I am usually AWOL from), was surprised several months ago when I mentioned that I had a brother who lived in Shanghai. Barb, one of the select few people in the world who read my blog, said she only knew about my sister Joan, who gets a frequent mention here in these meandering lines, so Barb assumed she was my only sibling. Actually, I have five siblings, and what's amazing is how well we get along and how much we still like each other and keep in touch with each other. Joan just happens to be the only one who lives nearby.
It's my brother Davy who mostly lives in Shanghai. He teaches English there, loves China, is very fluent in Chinese. When he is back in the States between semesters, he lives in San Antonio, Texas. He's in San Antonio right now, skipped a semester to take care of some medical issues, which thankfully he came through great.
But it's funny to think of a brother in a place that is so foreign. No, not China. Texas. Yes, I know what you're saying, it's one of the 11 states I haven't been to yet, so I shouldn't judge a place by pre-conceived notions. Well, why can't I? And then last month the governor of Texas suggested that Texas should secede from the United States because it's so out of touch with what's happening in the rest of the country. I say, why the heck not?.. (although I say he should have to take all the states between him and South Carolina with him)... I really can't picture the rest of the country bothering to fight another Civil War to keep them in the Union.
So, if I don't go visit Davy sometime soon, I might be visiting him in a foreign country. Who knows which one?
And I need to get down to visit my sister Nancy in North Carolina sometime soon also. It's been a year already.
Next week, though, I'll get to see my brother Ronnie and sister Mary when Jerry and I vacation for a week in our family's home state of New Jersey, the only state that's totally in touch and of which nobody ever has pre-conceived notions.
It's my brother Davy who mostly lives in Shanghai. He teaches English there, loves China, is very fluent in Chinese. When he is back in the States between semesters, he lives in San Antonio, Texas. He's in San Antonio right now, skipped a semester to take care of some medical issues, which thankfully he came through great.
But it's funny to think of a brother in a place that is so foreign. No, not China. Texas. Yes, I know what you're saying, it's one of the 11 states I haven't been to yet, so I shouldn't judge a place by pre-conceived notions. Well, why can't I? And then last month the governor of Texas suggested that Texas should secede from the United States because it's so out of touch with what's happening in the rest of the country. I say, why the heck not?.. (although I say he should have to take all the states between him and South Carolina with him)... I really can't picture the rest of the country bothering to fight another Civil War to keep them in the Union.
So, if I don't go visit Davy sometime soon, I might be visiting him in a foreign country. Who knows which one?
And I need to get down to visit my sister Nancy in North Carolina sometime soon also. It's been a year already.
Next week, though, I'll get to see my brother Ronnie and sister Mary when Jerry and I vacation for a week in our family's home state of New Jersey, the only state that's totally in touch and of which nobody ever has pre-conceived notions.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
football fantasy
Now that the tear gas and the other nasty smells of having the Republican Convention in our Cities have mostly blown away and the SWAT storm-troopers have moved on to wherever it is they normally hang out, it's time to change the subject... Besides, if i think about Sarah Palin for even one more minute, I might barf.
*****
My brother Ronnie, who lives in South Jersey, called me a couple weeks ago to tell me something funny. He had just read the Sports Illustrated picks for the top NFL football teams this year, and they were picking our team, the Philadelphia Eagles, to meet my adopted team, the Minnesota Vikings, in the NFC Championship Game, which the Eagles would win, but then the Eagles would lose to New England in the Super Bowl.
We laughed for several minutes. I don't think it occurred to many people in either the Philly area or in Minnesota that these teams have anything special this year. Besides that, everyone knows that both of teams do better when nobody is predicting that they could win. It's a jinx! Having Sports Illustrated pick them probably means that neither team will even make the playoffs!
Week One: The Eagles are off to a good start, beating St. Louis 38-3. The Vikings are off to a typical start, losing to Favre-less Green Bay. And the Patriots are now Brady-less for the season, which probably blows Sports Illustrated's AFC pick too.
*****
Speaking of New England, Jerry and I leave later this week for a few days in New England, after a brief stop in New Jersey for my cousin Darlene's wedding.
*****
My brother Ronnie, who lives in South Jersey, called me a couple weeks ago to tell me something funny. He had just read the Sports Illustrated picks for the top NFL football teams this year, and they were picking our team, the Philadelphia Eagles, to meet my adopted team, the Minnesota Vikings, in the NFC Championship Game, which the Eagles would win, but then the Eagles would lose to New England in the Super Bowl.
We laughed for several minutes. I don't think it occurred to many people in either the Philly area or in Minnesota that these teams have anything special this year. Besides that, everyone knows that both of teams do better when nobody is predicting that they could win. It's a jinx! Having Sports Illustrated pick them probably means that neither team will even make the playoffs!
Week One: The Eagles are off to a good start, beating St. Louis 38-3. The Vikings are off to a typical start, losing to Favre-less Green Bay. And the Patriots are now Brady-less for the season, which probably blows Sports Illustrated's AFC pick too.
*****
Speaking of New England, Jerry and I leave later this week for a few days in New England, after a brief stop in New Jersey for my cousin Darlene's wedding.
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