Wednesday, August 3, 2011

joke day

OK, that stupid debt-ceiling mess is now law, and I'll stop talking about it for a while.  Jon, my son, says my blog has gotten depressing, but so is the news...

... anyway, today will be a joke day to make up for the bad stuff.  The problem is that i don't know any jokes, so off I go to the Internet.

Per Wikipedia, the funniest joke ever (Not sure that I agree but oh well): 
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

How about an elephant joke?:
Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.

Lightbulb jokes?:
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.
Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
Q: How many gay men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine: One to buy the light bulb from a gay-owned and operated store, two to tell him of some other place where he could have gotten it cheaper, one to call the local gay owned and operated contract business, and five to install the track lighting instead of using the new light bulb.
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. You can do it yourself, dammit.

And, finally, a couple of Michele Bachmann jokes (sorry if this seems like another depressing topic):
"An audio recording from five years ago has been released of Michele Bachmann predicting the end of the world. Her exact words were, 'I'm going to run for president in 2012.'" –Conan O'Brien
"Tea Party rebutter Michele Bachmann is under fire for saying the Founding Fathers eliminated slavery. Sarah Palin is very upset. Another female Republican trying to steal the dumbass vote." –Jay Leno

P.S.  I'm not proud of any of these jokes, Internet or not.  If you have a better one, please write it in the comment section.  My readers need some laughs!


Jon said...

Much better!

Anonymous said...

I couldn't remember the whole joke, so I looked it up and here it is:
A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywack, the loan officer.

Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, "What do you have for collateral?"

The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant.

Mr. Paddywack looks at the elephant and says, "I don't know. I'm going to have to ask Mr. Larson, the bank manager to approve this."

He goes into Mr. Larson's office and comes back.

Two minutes later, Mr. Larson comes out with the elephant and says, "It's a knick-knack Paddywack, give the frog a loan!"


Jon said...

OK, that's enough jokes now! :-)

Tom said...

Q: How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 15. One to hold the bulb and the rest to drink whiskey until the room spins around.